Many singles happy to be alone

CRAIG WILSON, GANNETT NEWS SERVICE

Originally published October 25

ATLANTA -- Years ago, Kris Osborn's father, a psychiatrist, gave him a bit of advice:

"If you go and chase after women, you'll never meet quality women. You only find quality women if you excel in your own life."

At 32, Osborn is working hard at excelling in his own life. He's the newest general assignment anchor of CNN Headline News here, a position he took in July. He's still single, however. Can a quality woman be far behind? Well, there's a new love interest in Boston, but it's too early to tell.

At the moment, Osborn is leading the single man's good life in trendy Buckhead, his treadmill in front of the TV for those Sunday afternoons of football, nothing but bottled water in the fridge. He shares the apartment that faces west over the treetops -- a requirement he gave his real-estate agent -- only with a shelter cat named Byron.

While he lives alone, Osborn is not alone. The 2000 Census shows that more than 27 million Americans live by themselves, about one-fourth of all households, nearly 10 percent of the population. For the first time, one-person households outnumber traditional families.

"With the increase in the divorce rate, the increase in the age at which people first get married and with our increasing longevity, the experience of being single is now one of the most widely shared experiences of adulthood," says Bella DePaulo, visiting professor of psychology at the University of California-Santa Barbara.

And when you add in the single people who are living together but not married -- everyone from college kids in dorms to young singles sharing apartments to unmarried couples -- the number of singles in America soars. Their ranks increased from 38 million in 1970 to 82 million in 2000. Single people now account for more than 40 percent of the adult population, up from 28 percent of all adults in the United States three decades ago, according to DePaulo, who cites Census statistics.

"These findings are not surprising. They reflect a 30-year trend in America to marry later in life, divorce or never get married at all," says Xavier Amador, co-author of "Being Single in a Couples' World: How to be Happily Single While Looking for Love" and director of psychology at New York State Psychiatric Institute in New York City. "Being single is no longer synonymous with being immature, unsettled in life and irresponsible. Questions such as, 'When are you going to get married and settle down?' belong to the past, not the reality of America today."

Unmarried majority

Zoe Woodland, a 27-year-old computer network manager at Hill Air Force Base near Salt Lake City, has heard the question before. Her answer?

"Oh, when I'm 55. That's my standard answer," she says. "Actually, I imagine myself still single at 88. Playing bridge. And riding my mountain bike."

San Francisco retiree Harry Rudnick is 88 and agrees that single life suits him just fine. "If I go out with a lady friend, I take her to dinner and that satisfies me," he says.

According to the American Association for Single People (AASP), an "unmarried majority" has emerged in most major cities, as well as six states, facts the association disseminated on Capitol Hill last month during National Singles Week.

"And within a few years, the majority of households in the nation will be headed by unmarried adults," says AASP Executive Director Tom Coleman.

Up until a few years ago when AASP was formed, virtually all singles groups were for dating and matchmaking, focused on social and recreational activities. Now more and more groups are formed for support, even political reasons.

"As single people begin to wake up and realize that we are being cheated -- sometimes to the tune of thousands of dollars per year in higher taxes, higher insurance rates, fewer employee benefits and smaller Social Security benefits -- more of their attention and support will shift toward organizations fighting for legal and economic reform," Coleman says.

Conservative groups have expressed concern over the "single and alone" trend, calling it a troubling indicator of deeper societal problems. But demographers say what the trend truly reveals is that adults just prefer their own company, living near their families but not with them. In fact, it's very American.

"Americans are individualists, and unless we're married and raising children, we tend to want to live alone rather than impose on relatives," says Andrew Cherlin, a Johns Hopkins University sociology professor. "Plus, we like our privacy. So, those of us with more money tend to use it to live alone."

Cherlin says some people are worried that it makes for "a more detached society, but most people who live alone live near friends and family. Americans want intimacy at a distance. That's the highest good."

Demographers, however, point out that the "single" trend will have a profound effect on American institutions. With fewer households having children, for instance, public schools will face a more difficult time gathering support for educational and building programs.

Bountiful lives

Although studies show that married people tend to be happier and live longer, healthier lives, marriage is not a high priority, admits Osborn, an earnest and bright young man who at times seems to be lost in his own thoughts. With a swimmer's body and model-material looks, Osborn could marry just about anyone he wanted. Many a young woman has noticed his arrival at CNN headquarters, more than a few volunteering to help him out in any way he might need.

Osborn is typical of many young bachelors in America today. He drives a nice car (a black Lincoln Town Car), wears designer suits from Calvin Klein, eats out more than in. "If I fit any stereotype, it's that of the bachelor," he says. "Interior decorating is not my thing."

And at the moment, like many single men his age, he's devoted to his job.

"A huge amount of my time is my job now," he confesses. "Mainly because it's new and I like it so much."

Although Osborn says he's dated often over the years -- he had a four-year relationship in California -- his professional life keeps getting in the way.

"I went to 10 different countries for Channel One News," he says. "I'm afraid that kind of travel schedule isn't compatible with a serious relationship."

Does he mind still being single?

"No, I like it," he says without hesitation. "You don't have to worry about commitments to your career (affecting) your commitment to a family. I'm not ruling out marriage. But I'm just being very specific about doing it once. There's no rush."

The Olympian Copyright 2001

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