WEEK SIX IMPRESSIONS

Name: Frieda Bush

Age: 43

Smoking history: Smoked since 18. Quit multiple times.

Method: The Free & Clear program, which combines nicotine fading and group support. Also using Zyban.

-Tuesday: My support group is hanging in and earning kudos from the group leader. Along with the other participants, I'm getting a sense of humor back. We plan an ice cream social for our last meeting and share stories of diminished cravings and the kind of self-talk that gets us through the day.

-Wednesday: The earth moved and I was thrown into work at the breakneck pace all newsrooms adopt in times of crisis. I spent much of the afternoon simultaneously trying to write a story around reports from co-workers in the field and wondering how my family was doing. Later in the afternoon, a co-worker (who can't quit nicotine gum) asked me if a cigarette wouldn't taste good about now. I wanted to kick him. But I didn't. And I didn't smoke. My family was fine.

-Saturday: I'm on the third day of a long weekend. My adult daughter and her children are living with me and -- though we love each other very much -- the living situation is wearing thin. We are in the middle of very heated argument over some soul-searing family matters and both on the verge of tears when she points to a cigarette lying near the lighter in my car.

"Is that your cigarette or is it Irene's (my sister who still smokes)?" my daughter asks.

I wanted to smoke that cigarette in the worst way.

Instead, I broke a law and threw the still-unlit cigarette out the window. For a moment I was able to remember the one thing I will have to remember the rest of my life. There are no problems in my life that a cigarette will solve.

-Monday: Tomorrow is my last meeting with the support group. Though I will have the support of the people I work with, I will miss the group a lot. I'm not their boss or sister or mother. To them I am a fellow sufferer trying to beat an addiction that was stealing my future one puff at a time. I hope we stay in touch. I hope we stay healthy.

Name: Jim Carlile

Age: 24

Smoking history: Smoked since 14. Quit twice.

Method: Hypnotherapy.

-Wednesday: If there was ever a time I wanted a cigarette, it was at 10:56 today. Nothing ignites that urge like the ground shaking beneath your very feet.

Immediately after the earthquake, many of us filed out of the building and several people understandably lit up. Until a few weeks ago, every time I was almost in a car accident, experienced a natural disaster or some other high-stress situation, it was dealt with, first and foremost, with a cigarette.

Not so anymore.

I was standing outside shaking and wondering why I had subjected myself to seven weeks of hell to almost die in an earthquake.

Well, I guess not "almost die."

-Friday: If quitting smoking will get easier every time I do it, why am I still not smoking? I could start again, wait a year or two and quit and it would be easier than it is now.

If it were not for the very public way in which I decided to quit, I'd probably be a smoker again by now.

So why not start back? I can still think of a thousand reasons. I still get calls, letters or e-mails every day from people telling me to hang in there because it gets easier. I still hear horror stories about people who didn't quit.

One man told me he quit before he got married because he didn't want to give his bride-to-be the gift of taking care of him when he came down with lung cancer, heart disease, emphysema and a legion of other illnesses. I could say the same thing.

Another told me she gained 100 pounds the first 14 months after quitting but is still healthier than she would have been if she kept smoking. That story helped tremendously.

-Monday: Today makes two months and things have changed dramatically since the beginning of this series. I wasn't thinking about cigarettes much then. I had gone through hypnotherapy and it was almost like I had never smoked.

Slowly, cigarettes became all I thought about. Maybe it's because of this series. Maybe I think about smoking all the time because the articles I'm writing about are about cigarettes and there is always something tobacco-related lingering in the back of my mind.

Hopefully, I won't ever smoke again. Most days, though, I don't feel like I'll make it.

Name: Amy Uptmor

Age: 26

Smoking history: Smoked since 21. Quit once before.

Method: Nicotine patch.

-Monday: My hunger has abated considerably, and I can honestly say that I don't want a cigarette. I feel that the withdrawal symptoms are all but gone. This is the part of quitting I've been waiting for: I feel like a normal person again, nicotine-free.

-Thursday: Many of our friends have quit smoking since this series began, and all of them said they wanted a cigarette after the earthquake. None of them gave in. I am very proud of them.

-Sunday: I went out last night with a smoker and didn't want a cigarette. This is a big milestone in the process of quitting smoking. Alcohol and smoky bars can chip away at my resolve like nothing else. But I succeeded in not only not smoking, but not wanting to smoke at all.

I've been telling people that I feel "cured" of smoking, and it's true. I feel like I've lost all interest in smoking, like my smoking days must have been many years ago. I recognize that I have a long road ahead of me, but I have great confidence that I'll never smoke again.

The Olympian Copyright 2000

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