The Associated Press/file
Tough financial times may force the Backstreet Boys to forgo sunglasses and hats in 2002.

Even pop's top entertainers are facing tough times

ROSS RAIHALA

Originally published Friday, January 11, 2002

Last week, the Los Angeles Times released its fifth annual Ultimate Top 10 list, which ranks the year's principal money-making musical artists.

The newspaper bases its list on album sales and concert receipts. While it doesn't take into account merchandising revenues and all the other sundry sources of income for artists, it does give a good idea of just who is raking in the biggest bucks.

And, really, in these tough economic times, one can take solace in the fact that a talent-free young hussy such as Britney Spears pulled in a scant $71 million, as opposed to last year's $162 million. Times are, indeed, tough all over.

Here's a look at who made the list and what they might be doing with all that dough ...

10. Linkin Park, $64.1 million

Drugs, drinks and hookers likely top the list of expenses for these new-metal types, but all of those tattoos, piercings and complicated head-and-facial-hairstyles certainly aren't free.

Somehow, this band managed to sell 4.5 million copies of its debut album, "Hybrid Theory." One would assume most of that success is due to the fact that Korn didn't have a new record out in 2001, so fans went hunting for a record that sounded exactly like Korn.

If Linkin Park has a sense of humor, perhaps they'll send a few pies over to Coby Dick, the chubby lead singer of rival band Papa Roach.

9. Aerosmith, $64.3 million

Now in its fourth decade as a band, Aerosmith represents all the senior citizen rockers out there.

In addition to the vats of Oil of Olay, crates of imported scarves and massive amounts of plastic surgery (for Steven Tyler only, judging by the looks of the rest of 'em), Aerosmith possibly spent much of its 2001 income personally sending $10 checks and an apology to the 1.15 million people who purchased the band's latest album "Just Push Play."

8. Britney Spears, $71 million

Actually, I have no right to say negative things about Britney Spears. She is a very talented singer and performer who has sold millions of albums. That is a lot more than I have done!

Also, just because she is dating Justin Timberlake and shows her midriff, that doesn't mean she is a slut. Many people say Britney is a slut, when actually she is a very sweet girl. I believe many people don't like her because they are really just jealous. If I was Britney Spears, I would be wearing the exact same things!

Not only have I been a Britney Spears fan since the beginning, but I plan to be one forever. Those who do not agree are obviously jealous because they could never get a girl like that!

7. Destiny's Child, $71.5 million

As the mother of Destiny's main Child Beyonce Knowles designs and creates the trio's skimpy stage outfits, they clearly don't have to blow much money on costuming costs.

Regardless, the other two ladies of the group best be saving every last penny they've earned, because Knowles is going to launch a solo career that will leave few survivors in its wake.

6. Janet Jackson, $75.9 million

The "normal" Jackson's recent revelation that she enjoys the occasional coffee enema may be more memorable than any of the music she released in 2001. But, then again, it suggests that earning massive amounts of moolah won't make you crazy in the slightest bit. Not at all.

My suggestion is that Janet Jackson spend a few of those hard-earned dollars on a new nose for her brother Michael, as the last dozen or so he has tried just haven't quite taken root.

5. Madonna, $77.5 million

For a married mother of two in her 40s, Mrs. Richie has one heck of a home-based business.

As she's been pulling in the bucks for nearly 20 years now, one imagines she's long since paid to have most of her enemies and detractors rubbed out, freeing her up to start buying bullet-cone training bras for her growing daughter, Lourdes.

4. Dave Matthews Band, $98.2 million

As a proud resident of Seattle, Dave Matthews will surely soon announce plans to purchase the Space Needle.

He plans to convert it into the world's largest bong and decorate it with fraternity logos so it stands as a tribute to the two things that have made his band so much money.

3. Backstreet Boys, $109.9 million

Nearly $110 million may not seem like an emergency, but it represents the continual downslide of this rapidly aging boy band who not so long ago practically minted the green stuff.

Taking a cue from the purse-tightening corporate world, 2002 will see some changes in the Backstreet Boys organization:

- The sunglasses and hats budget will be slashed by 70 percent.

- Nick Carter must pay his own bail money from now on.

- To help cover his rehab bills, A.J. McLean will now do double duty as band member and personal assistant to the sole attractive Backstreet Boy, Brian Littrell.

- No more juice boxes at Backstreet Boys meetings.

- Carter and McLean will have to share a Lincoln Navigator between them, causing them to settle on the somewhat unwieldy vanity license plate: "NICKLEAN."

2. U2, $130.5 million

This may be the year when U2 lead singer Bono finally erects that long-promised 100-foot statue of himself.

He plans to live inside the head, occasionally approaching the windows (which cleverly double as the monument's Fly sunglasses) to heal the sick and wounded who make the pilgrimage.

1. 'N Sync, $152.3 million

The forward-thinking "Pop" record confounded some of 'N Sync's younger fans, but it actually gained them some new ones who appreciated the boy band's attempt to push the boundaries of a stale genre.

And 152 million big ones means an increased program of full-body waxes for Joey Fatone, a new fund to battle tabloid-driven "himbo eruptions" involving Lance Bass and a series of thank-you notes to O-Town for insisting on actually singing live during concert appearances.

As final proof of 'N Sync's financial savvy, the group's management plans to take advantage of lower interest rates to refinance the group's mortgage with Satan and ensure 'N Sync a few more years on the charts.

Ross Raihala covers music for The Olympian. Send news and Top 10 lists to OlyRoss@aol.com.

The Olympian Copyright 2001

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