Grenier

OTHER VOICES:
Women beware: In men, what you see is what you get

I've mentored many young women and pass advice along to them pertaining to personal goals, self expectations and relationships.

DALE GRENIER

This is my final column as my two-year tenure on the Diversity Panel draws to a close. It's been a delight and I've enjoyed hearing from those of you who contacted me during the past months.

I'm directing my last column to young women. I've mentored many throughout my life and pass advice along to them pertaining to personal goals, self expectations and relationships. I'll summarize these perspectives below:

- Don't buy the myth that your wedding day will be the "happiest day of your life." Your wedding day (should you choose to have one) is a milestone, and hopefully a cherished memory over the years. But it's only one memory of what should be a life full of happy events and achievements.

To rope yourself into a frenzied assumption that it must be the best day of your life is unrealistic. It also suggests the rest of your life is downhill from there!

- Don't rely on a man to take care of you. Many women maintain the expectation that their husbands will support them financially.

He is not there to take care of you. You take care of each other. Your husband is a partner, lover and friend. He's not perfect. He's not Superman. He's not your savior. A successful marriage is one where you bond with another whom you can consider an equal partner and a friend.

- It's fine to be a wife and mother, but make sure you have something to fall back on in the way of skills, education and a career. Why? Because relationships aren't always successful. Or perhaps your marriage will be solid but your husband dies prematurely or becomes disabled. It's unpleasant to think about, but it happens.

I know a young lady whose boyfriend asked her to marry him, so she quit her job. That concept is nonsensical to me.

It's like saying, "Anna Marie is going to Disney World so she decided to have her right foot amputated!"

It saddens me to observe the number of women who can't support themselves, let alone their kids. Or they are trapped in abusive relationships because they wanted someone to take care of them.

Don't abandon your career skills for a husband.

It's prudent for any woman to have marketable skills. That doesn't mean she has to be a biochemist. Perhaps she is a secretary, a dental hygienist or retail clerk -- it doesn't matter as long as she enjoys it, is good at it, and can make a living.

- Select a mate with qualities that you enjoy. Don't expect to change him into something he's not. If he's not a rock star when you meet him, he won't be a rock star 10 or 100 years from now.

You better love him for the man that he is, because no matter how you dress it up or throw money at it, what you see is what you get!

Now, that's what your mother should have told you! Farewell, for now.

Dr. Dale Grenier, an educator and published author, is a member of the Olympian's Diversity Panel.

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